


winter is coming, freezing over memories

by rayfelle



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Winter Soldier AU, captain america!erwin, winter soldier!eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:11:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4029694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayfelle/pseuds/rayfelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even with the super strength and speed, the power to protect and do much more than what his old body could do Erwin still feels weak.</p>
            </blockquote>





	winter is coming, freezing over memories

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by Mizore's Winter Soldier AU eruren drawing.

They had said something about him being the chosen one. The protector of the country and a new kind of a role model; a new hope in the eyes of the soldiers tortured by the war and their families back home. Even with the super strength and speed, the power to protect and do much more than what his old body could do Erwin still feels weak.

If he couldn’t even do as much as protect his own husband when it mattered the most, then what use was the title of Captain America.

It was easy to just let go of everything accept his own fate of death soon after. The ice was cold against his skin, slowly making everything in his body shut down, but Erwin didn’t care much about it. Eren had felt this as well, hadn’t he? The fear and hopelessness in the young man’s eyes was forever burned in Erwin’s mind and nothing could ever make it go away. Maybe death, but didn’t they say something about him being immortal?

Right now it didn’t seem to matter anyway. As long as the ice froze his guilt together with him, Erwin didn’t care.

…

Waking up from in a whole another century was strange.

The machines and the society had changed so much during the time Erwin spent sleeping in his icy prison and everything was far more complicated than before. At first the low burn of loss was kept at bay by the curiosity that overtook Erwin whenever the man found or was presented with something new and unknown. Sometimes the feeling of being lost in this new kind of concrete jungle of the cities exchanged the child-like excitement.

But the pain of losing someone so dear and close to him always stayed, Eren’s eyes seemingly watching the man’s every move and action. Judging, maybe. Erwin didn’t know anymore.

But there wasn’t time for self-pity and grief, thankfully. With new times came new technologies that were used to make Erwin even more of a super soldier. There were new enemies set on destroying the country that the soldier was made to protect.

Always in fight and in the middle of a war. Saving the world yet again.

 _I hope Eren is proud of me_ , Erwin thinks at times, when it’s finally quiet enough to allow his mind to wander back to the memories worth more than anything else in the world.

…

It’s yet another attempt at taking over the government (didn’t the evil ever give up, even when it was obvious how broken and unstable this country already was) and Erwin is once again in the middle of it all. Tall and strong, sure about his victory even before the battle is yet to start.

A hero.

One Hydra soldier after another come and try to shoot him down, kill him in the name of their warped ideals and by the orders they had been given. It’s easy, almost pathetically so, to fight them off and make sure those brain-washed fools don’t come after him again. Even if Erwin thinks that they are no better than his own allies, who fought just in the name of this _fucked up_ country, the Hydra was still the worst of the two evils.

Still, it was smarter to cut off and burn the root than deal with the never-ending supply the followers. Erwin was more than just his muscle and skill - that much he had proved even before becoming the country’s secret experiment. Even if Eren had been against it and begged with Erwin not to agree to the experiments. Even if his husband was dead right now, _because_ of Erwin’s choice to sign the papers in an agreement to become the test bunny for victory’s sake.

But before dealing with Hydra as a whole, he had to make sure Fury was not killed. The man was needed alive, no matter what.

…

Erwin’s opponent is emotionless. Strong. Unstoppable, almost.

They fight and it’s harder to stand on even ground than in any battle before this one. It gives the kind of thrill that sets Erwin’s blood on fire and makes his movements smoother, faster. Maybe it’s because of the boring fights before this one, but the soldier feels _alive_ for the first time in so long.

His shield is easily blocked; his attacks are stopped and returned. The opponent’s metal arm is not just for show either – the strength of one blow sends vibrations coursing through the whole of Erwin’s body and makes him grit his teeth in the kind of pain he had not felt for a while now. They are even. Someone is on even ground with Erwin’s unnatural body.

“You’re a worthy opponent.” Erwin laughs as he gets up and the concrete dust floats around him. To think Hydra was hiding someone like that. “Why didn’t you come and play with me sooner?” He teases and grins, baby blue eyes alight with life and amusement.

The Winter Soldier cracks his bones, the fingers of his metal arm curl into a fist and then open up again. He doesn’t say anything, just breathes deeply. Raggedly. Almost like it’s painful just to do even that much. There is something unnatural about the way he holds himself, as if he doesn’t know how to move his body yet.

Only when his opponent leaves does Erwin get a glimpse of the other’s eyes (even the black paint over them cannot hide the bright color). The vivid ocean green freezes Captain America in place and it seems like time stops.

He _knows_ that color. No matter how much time has passed and no matter the fuzz that has settled over Erwin’s memories of his husband (protected by the faded photographs kept under his pillow) he can recognize those eyes.

But with this revelation comes the poison-like premonition of what they must have done with Eren.

…

Erwin gets Black Widow to help him. The computers of this era are too advanced still, although he is getting the hang of them slowly. Quick and nimble are the woman’s fingers, though and she knows more about the kind of hacking that is needed to get to the bottom of the Winter Soldier and the take-over of their own organization.

The numbers change and jump from one to the other in the kind of speed that Erwin hasn’t seen before and the information that his partner gets out of that small machine is priceless. While they get no clues about Eren and what had become of him (true identity of Winter Soldier was sure to be as much of a secret as Captain America’s) but they do find out where next to look for answers.

One fight after another and finally do the two of them step foot on Erwin’s (and Eren’s as well) old training camp. The buildings from so long ago still stand, some of them have caved in and broken and some still in once piece. The concrete hangars are looming over the forgotten land.

It is under one of them that Black Widow leads Erwin to - inside one secret room after another, until the both of them stand in a dusty room full of the kind of computers that Erwin knows far too well. Even this room has been forgotten and left to slowly fade away with time.

The Hydra symbols stand out sharply against the grey spider webs, though.

…

The words left behind by Zola’s consciousness resonate inside of Erwin’s head. Moles inside of their carefully laid out system, treason after treason and secret plans to take over the country and destroy everything. There is more to what they are fighting against right now, but only one thing remains unanswered.

Winter Soldier. Eren.

No matter how much Erwin wants to ask and find out about his husband’s part in all of this, there is once again no time to do that. Missiles and men armed from head to toe are coming their way. The bunker is blown up and only with the help of his shield does Erwin protect both himself and Black Widow. They escape with information, but no answers still.

Fury is alive as well and it seems like things are about to turn around. For the best. It’s almost unbelievable at this point, but it was Erwin’s job to make the impossible become true. A supersoldier and the hope of the country all packed in one very tired man.

Captain America – it was a name that was getting heavier by the second.

…

When he meets Winter Soldier for the second time Erwin is ready. He takes careful steps, calculated movements and well timed attacks to defeat but not injure. Even if Eren was made into an enemy Erwin refused to harm someone he loved so much.

There was no way that Eren would have become someone like this by himself. Erwin knew his husband as well as he knew himself and besides, Eren should have died in that fall. No matter how it hurt to admit it, Eren should have been dead and frozen in the depths of those mountains, not stand before Erwin as a member of Hydra. A new brand of supersoldier, created through physical pain and metal limb, with no memories of his previous life and who he truly was.

“Don’t you remember me?” Erwin asks quietly once the two of them are at a stand-still, Eren’s face clear of the mask and black paint. “Eren, look at me properly.” And he takes off his own mask, smiling warmly at the other.

Eren’s face shows confusion - eyebrows furrowed and lips pulled into a frown. Slowly, like a cautious animal, he straightens out (but doesn’t put his weapons away) and stares hard at Erwin. “Who are you?” His voice is raspy, hoarse as if it hadn’t been used for years or Eren had screamed his throat raw not so long ago. But curiosity lingers in his tone. A good sign.

“I’m your husband. How rude of you to forget.” Erwin laughs quietly, _lovingly_.

Those words seem to do something good if the way Eren’s eyes widen is something to go by. The man mouths the word and then clutches his head, wincing at the sudden pain. Without even a second of hesitation Erwin is next to the other and holding him close, just like he had done all the times in the past.

“You… What…. _Er_.. _win_?” The small gasps of air are accompanied by broken words, but it seems that now he is recognized and clarity paints Eren’s face under the pain from his headache. His human hand rises to carefully touch the other’s face, to make sure that this was no dream.

Erwin envelops Eren’s trembling fingers with his own palm and presses their joined hands to his cheek. “Welcome back, love.” He won’t rush with questions and all the things that are trying to force their way out past his lips. Right now Eren remembering him and the past they shared again is all that he needs.

…

There are still holes in Eren’s memory, though.

Dates and names, certain events and even years are still lost to him. He can remember some of the most important people in his life, things about his time as a soldier and the fall. Of course, Eren remembers what Hydra had done to him well enough. The pain, their plans and the headaches that came with their attempts of keeping the man’s mind carefully blank and empty – it was like a fresh wound.

“I want to remember. _Everything_.” Eren says, his fingers clutching tighter around Erwin’s hand. The hospital bed seemed too big for his tired body, too white. But it was needed for recovery.

Erwin brings his husband’s hand to his lips and kisses the bruised knuckles. “You will, love. With time. You just being here, with me, is good enough.” New memories can be made, old ones retold and shown with the help of pictures. A new life, however, cannot be given for a third time.

…

With checkups done and most of his memory now back, Eren is allowed to leave the hospital. They both go to the ocean first, hand in hand like they used to do before joining the army. Eren’s laughter travels across the empty beach and he looks so happy again. Erwin then uses his newfound skills with the camera to snap pictures of the flushed smile of his husband’s lips, Eren’s form illuminated so beautifully by the setting sun.

“You know, I don’t blame you. Never did.” Eren mumbles once they are seated in the sand and cuddling together. “So stop and forget all about it.” He turns in Erwin’s hold and holds the man’s face with his warm hands.

For a moment Erwin doesn’t reply (he supposes that Eren never needed an actual answer anyway) and then just sighs. “Oh, Winter Soldier, how can I not obey your command?”

“Shut up, _Captain_.” The younger laughs again and leans in for a kiss.

There couldn’t be a better ending and a reward for winning his battles than this. Especially when Erwin’s beloved was returned right back into his arms after all of it was over and done with.


End file.
